Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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