God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
