maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
