my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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