If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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