Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize