He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
