eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
