I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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