Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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