Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize