someone owes me an orgasm
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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