What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
