Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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