I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
