Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
