i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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