i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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