whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
