i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
