i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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