My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
