just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
