Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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