My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize