So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
