Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
