You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
