Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
