He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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