He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
