If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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