They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
