Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
