We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
