She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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