She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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