12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
