i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize