but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I forgot wine drunk hurts
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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