I want to stick my p in your. b.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
