I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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