I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
