He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize