guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
