I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
