omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I don't deserve a penis
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
