if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
