It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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