Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize