The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
