booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
