Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
