remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
So many bounce houses so little time
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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