Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
