Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize