...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize