I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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