come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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