how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
