Pappa wants mamma naked
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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