i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
