At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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