So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
