My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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