i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
