So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
