P.S. I can't hear my feet
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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