I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
