My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
