4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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