just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
