There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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