I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Randomize
