We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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