He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize