i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
