he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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