i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Boobs speak an international language.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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