i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
