I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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