I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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