Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
