This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
