My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
