i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You ate ashes out of my bong
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
