there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Randomize
