Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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