dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
