That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
