She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
