Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
