i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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