Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize