Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
