ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
