the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize