I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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