He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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