ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
