Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
