Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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