Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
is wine microwaveable?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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