hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
