Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
