Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
