meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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